Am I Samoan enough?!?

I thought I had it all set after high school what I wanted to be when I grew up... unfortunately, I was a girl filled with too many dreams. I enrolled in college wanting to be a Biology Teacher like my favorite subject and teacher Mr. Warehime, yet what I was learning in class was not how I imagined it to be... therefore, I wanted to be a Botanist, because of my love for plants and farming... but that too was a fail, along with failing my classes👎
At the same time, I wanted to go to flight school and fly airplanes like my dad. Ultimately I wanted to be an Air Force Pilot, but military was not where I wanted to be.
Second year of college, I finally was directed to a right major for me, Elementary Education. Mr. Oba, my Biology and Botany Professor, saw me to many times in his courses, and failed me to many more times, yet he saw potential in me in the teaching field.
Many years later... I am a certified highly qualified teacher with a B.S. in ELED and Masters in Curriculum and Instruction with an emphasis in Technology. I've taught students from PreK-12 grades, including my monkeys (nephews and nieces). Was I where I dreamed to be?
I always had a Humanitarian Spirit and urge to make a difference, and I wasn't content teaching was enough. My heart longed to return to the motherland of my ancestors and bloodline, Samoa. I needed to help the educational system in our islands, by 1st assisting and helping train educators to be effective teachers. If there were highly qualified teachers, then there would be more students prepared to transition from the islands to the states to further their education. I needed to atleast help my people somehow... but where to start?

1- I started a Polynesian Educators Facebook Page to assist educators, parents, friends and families... (still running)
2- Communicated and applied to teach and work for the education system in the islands... (no work!)
3- Offered to work part-time as a Samoan Language Teacher at my alma mater, Farrington High School
4- Advisor and Dance Instructor to the GOVSWASF
5- Offered to work as a PreK Samoan Language Educator for the Le Fetuao Language Center

All these offers has provided me with so many blessings and unforgettable experiences... but honestly it has made me struggle with my identity and question myself, being a Samoan. What hurts the most, I'm sure for any one, is that it can come from your own loved ones...
I tell others that I am so passionate at what I do and am fortunate to teach at my roots (GOV soil) and what I love most, my Samoan culture. Its a blessing to see students learn and love the Samoan culture as much as I do... yet I am limited to teach them everything, because I lack in many areas of knowledge in our Samoan culture.

1- At one point in my childhood, I lost the fluency in speaking Samoan.
2- I am not knowledgeable in all the history, customs, Matai systems, politics, and many other areas of our Samoan culture.

At this point in my life, I am wondering with all my HEART and SOUL wanting and needing to help SAMOA... am I Samoan enough to help? It has been said and reitirated many times, that our culture are "critics!" Always being judgmental on everything and comparing on anything. A student asked me to help him translate his Moms speech for graduation... I couldn't do it... so I asked my brother for help. Recently, we argued about directions and out of anger he hit me below the belt with, "it's been a year, when are you ever going to learn and speak Samoan." His words, brought realization to my fears. Am I Samoan enough?
I made a commitment today for this Summer to engulf myself in Samoan literature... starting with what I read best... O Le Tusi Paia. My goal is to read Salamo and Faataoto to strengthen my Samoan fluency, especially my Spirit. My understanding will be strengthened with the Samoan books that Dad brought for me from Samoa. Dad also has his input and criticism with being Samoan... saying, "Why now are you guys in to doing Samoan things?" Yet at the same time he teaches and helps... but like a Samoan adding in criticisms and sarcasms here and there.
Growing up with looks and comments, "you don't look Samoan... you speak Samoan different..." really damaged me to the point where I hesitated to speak Samoan for fear of ridicule and embarrassment. I became defensive when being strictly corrected about being too slow or lazy with Samoan customs. Outsiders see me and praise me for being Samoan in my mannerisms, attitude, and personality. They admire my love for our Samoan culture and love the culture too. This makes me feel whole again! How can a culture be mean amongst each other?
Will doing all these things mentioned above make me Samoan enough to continue teaching Samoan Language at Farrington and apply for the Pre-K position at the Le Fetuao Language Center? Will triggering and awakening the language part of my brain that remembers speaking Samoan be enough? How will I answer, are you fluent in Samoan? What box will I check to identify my nationality/race? I am left with no solutions and answers... because I don't know. You can answer for me, but that won't be enough! To know am I Samoan enough is for me to answer myself...

I turn to my Father in many sincere prayers, He answers me, "you are more than enough, my child."